What Realizations May Come
by phantomavatar08
Summary: That, combined with the scene she walked in on, made her realize -damn she was doing that a lot tonight- something wasn't quite right...It's a night of eye openings for our girls! Written mainly for fun. Not to be taken too seriously.


"Penny for your thoughts?"

The question cut through the slight haze built up by the flutes of champagne previously consumed.

Her reverie broken, the brunette turned to the other woman and answered with a simple, "Fun."

Her companion gave her a quizzical look before adding, "And?"

"And what?" she asked in feigned naivety.

The other woman looked slightly exasperated yet continued to press nonetheless.

"Fun? That's it? One word. You were zoned out for like five minutes and that's all I get?"

"Well, If a penny's all you have to offer..."

"You're funny." responded the other woman pulling a face.

"So I've been told."

The woman chuckled at the brunette's response yet, seemed oddly satisfied by it as she moved on to the next topic.

"How was work today?"

The question earned her a look she could only describe as a studying gaze. It made her feel like she was something being dissected through a microscope but, she couldn't quite place what.

That is until the brunette spoke again, "You don't really care, do you? I mean, do you even really know what I do for a living?" there was a tinge of humor to the question, as she was wondering aloud more than outright asking. The humor was obviously lost on the other woman.

It was true; she didn't. And the fact that it had somehow been obvious made the woman realize what specimen she had been compared to -or at least the one she felt like the most now- scum.

"Bianca I-" she started, only to be cut off.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line." said Bianca immediately. The look on her face only served to emphasize her apology.

"No, it's okay. It's completely my fault. I mean it's partially true." admitted the woman.

"That notwithstanding, it was completely inappropriate for me to say that out loud."

"Well you still would have thought it."

The champagne was not just affecting her thoughts now. It was also -clearly- affecting her common sense as, looking pensively in the direction of the bar off to the right and nodding her head, she stated, "Yes. Yes I would have."

There came the unmistakable sound of something going down the wrong pipe and Bianca was once again called to attention, only to be met with the realization that once again, she had said the wrong thing. She tried once more for an apology.

"I am so, so sorry." she started as she tried to help her friend ease the coughing fit she was in. "It seems alcohol has an adverse effect on that thing between my brain and my mouth." she said trying to lighten the mood, which -aided in part by her own subconscious sabotage- had taken quite a dive in the last few minutes.

"Your tonsils?" said the woman, in between coughs, with a nod of understanding.

Bianca just furrowed her brow slightly as she clarified, "My filter."

The look of utter confusion on the woman's face made Bianca shake her head dismissively while she mumbled a halfhearted, "Never mind."

* * *

><p>"Earth to planet Vacant!"<p>

The statement pierced through the tenuous lull built up by the silence of the drive home.

Her contemplative state shattered, the redhead turned to the driver and uttered a simple, "Wha-?"

Her escort shot her an exasperated look before turning back to the road ahead and speaking, "I've been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. What the hell was going on back there?"

"What are you talking about?" she questioned, a practiced mask of neutrality slipping over her features.

Her fellow traveler's eyes once again left the road, this time throwing a disbelieving glance her way.

"You really have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"Well, if you're referring to the benefit, I do believe they were raising money..."

"Eh heh, your hilarious." spat the man, sarcasm practically dripping from every syllable.

"So I've heard."

The bitter tone in the response only served to augment the already palpable tension between driver and passenger.

"Would you at least tell me if it was something I did?"

The question earned him a look he could only describe as a studying gaze. It made him feel like he was something being carefully inspected for any possible defects but, he was certain none would be found.

That is until the redhead found her voice again, "That is really all you care about, isn't it? I mean, you don't even really care if I'm upset or not, just as long as it has nothing to do with you. Am I right?" There was the hint of realization lacing the question, as it was more for rhetorical purposes than not. This fact was obviously lost on the man.

She was right; he didn't. And the fact that it had somehow been obvious made the man realize he had been wrong in his initial assumption, as he had clearly -or at least he now felt like he might have- slipped.

"Marissa I-" he began to defend himself only to be cut short.

"Oh it's not your fault, it's mine. I should know better by now. Every move you make is carefully calculated to keep you in control." she said.

"That was the old me. Things are different now. I am a changed man!" he reassured, though his actions spoke otherwise.

"Let's hear it for the redemption of Pinevalley's own resident asshole! And all in the time frame of a few mere months."

"Now come on! I know what I did in the past was anything but acceptable, but I have done nothing but devote myself to making amends to you. I have done everything I can to bring our family back together."

Marissa gave him a good hard look before falling back in her seat and shaking her head. She let out a sigh and said, "I'm sorry."

"It's all right, I understand. Sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us and we say things we don't mean..."

She was vaguely aware of the lies being thrown her way as she looked out of her window and allowed herself to think.

Every single remark thrown her way. Every single time she was forced to hold her tongue. Every single lie she had been forced to tell her son over the past few days. Every single one of those instances came to a head right at the moment the car finally pulled into the driveway and she was able to truly see the Chandler Mansion, not for the happy home she had hoped to build for her son but, for the suffocating, dysphoric prison it had always been.

"...I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't need to apologize for the things you said." he finished as he killed the engine.

As Marissa stepped out of the car she looked back and threw one last shot at the rotting corpse of the dead horse that was now her marriage, "Oh no. I am not sorry for what I just said."

"Then what was the apology for?" he called out to her as she reached the front door.

"For having wasted months of my life by not saying it sooner!"

* * *

><p>The cool night air was a welcome reprieve from the club full of the middle aged elite of Pinevalley. She enjoyed helping her sister with these types of events -they were for such wonderfully great causes- but volunteering Confusion as the venue was about as much involvement as she cared to have. Kendall Hart-Slater was not one for idle chit-chat about the status of the stock market.<p>

She had easily slipped away while her mother was busy talking herself up in front of a crowd. The scene had been borderline cringe worthy and -if she were to honest with herself- slightly unnerving.

Kendall was so ensconced in her own thoughts of escape, that she failed to register the other Kane woman in the general vicinity.

Her surprise caused Bianca's "Hey," to be met with a, "Ho!"

"You know, that's the second time I've elicited that response tonight." stated the younger woman, her tone matter-of-fact.

"Someone called you a 'ho'?" asked Kendall with a smirk.

When all Bianca did was continue to grin, it dawned on her, "Oh my gosh, someone actually called you a 'ho'."

"Well," started Bianca, as she furrowed her brow, "You know, the word was never actually said. Although it was heavily implied throughout the conversation, it was left up for interpretation."

Confusion engulfed Kendall's features. "You had an entire conversation with this person?"

Bianca nodded her affirmation.

"And what did you do?" she asked.

"The interpreting."

Kendall rolled her eyes at the comment. "Well, what was your date doing during the entire exchange?"

"The implying."

At this the curly haired brunette looked taken aback, "What? No. Sienna?"

"Sienna!" said Binx, as if hearing the answer to an obvious riddle. "Huh, I spent the last hour and a half calling her 'Sahara'."

"Binx!"

"Yeah! You know, it explains why she pulled a Houdini on me and Michael Jacksoned."

"What?" Kendall found herself asking, yet again.

"Yeah, she disappeared and...you know...thrilled?" Bianca finished lamely.

Kendall turned to face her sister as a thought suddenly hit her. "Bianca are you drunk?"

Bianca scoffed. "No. Of course I'm not drunk Kendall."

At the raised eyebrow sent her way she added, "I'm not drunk! I might be a little tipsy, you know, not much."

"Just enough to call your date by a completely different name." deadpanned the older Kane.

"Yeah, well, okay, maybe I'm a little past tipsy, you know, more like a little buzzed...or...you know...Okay! I'm drunk."

At the look of triumph on her sister's face she became slightly defensive.

"It's not like I meant to get drunk! It's just that with every flute of champagne I downed, the less rational her implications were." she said with a frown.

"And just what 'implications' were that?" asked Kendall, crossing her arms across her chest.

Bianca's frown grew less reminiscent of a parody and more evocative of the inner turmoil threatening to destroy her, at this very moment, from the inside out.

She turned watery eyes to her sister and said, "She claimed that I was simply using her as a way to get past Marissa."

"And? Was she right?"

The younger woman sniffed as she admitted the truth.

"Yes. But it didn't work. I went into this evening thinking I was free, after weeks of being submerged in the depths of my feelings. All it took was Marissa walking in, wrapped on his arm, to send me right back in. And the chill of the plunge was enough to make me realize that all my confession had been, was a buoy. A buoy that had brought me to the surface where I could take a breathe, but I was no where near the solid ground I needed, to find my footing so that I could just walk away from all of this."

* * *

><p>He had been lying on his bed, tossing and turning, for at least forty minutes, before it finally dawned on him that sleep was just not going to come that night. So he made the decision that his insomnia was going to work for him. There was plenty of illumination on the Chandler property, so getting some actual work done on the gatehouse -while his cousin's minion wasn't around- should be feasible. Scott Chandler had never been the brightest but even he could tell there was something underhanded about all the 'help' being sent his way.<p>

It was a good thing he had decided to take Marissa up on her offer of a spare key. He would be able to slip in and out without anybody even knowing he had been there.

Scott had been so caught up in his own thoughts, that he completely overlooked the redhead sitting idly on the stairs as he walked right past them and into the sitting room.

His neglect would cause him to be halfway to the fireplace before his automatic response of "Hi" sunk in enough to realize it had been bought up by her halfhearted "Hey."

When he was back at the doorway to the sitting room, he peaked out just to make sure he hadn't just been hearing things.

"Yup, still here." said Marissa, almost as if reading his mind.

He took a few steps towards the stairs. "Hey! I was just having trouble sleeping so I thought I'd make some progress on the gatehouse." he said.

Marissa lifted an eyebrow and asked, "You always do manual labor in a tie?"

Scott stopped to take in his appearance for the first time since jumping out of bed. He was clad in one of his best button up shirts, silk tie and all.

"I just threw on what I could find. I guess the tie was added out of habit." he admitted sheepishly. "I thought you were supposed to be out on a hot date." he said raising an eyebrow of his own.

"Oh believe me, things certainly got heated between me and JR, but not for the reasons your thinking." Marissa let the hand she had been resting her chin on drop to her lap. "I swear that man's fuse gets shorter and shorter as time goes by."

By now Scott was seated next to her on the step. "So what happened?"

"On the drive back home from the benefit, we had a small altercation."

"Define small altercation."

Marissa scrunched up her face and said, "Verbal sparring match that culminated in him driving the Jag into the gatehouse."

Scott's face lost color so fast it would be easy to consider medical attention. "Marissa,"

"Just kidding!" she said holding her hands out in front of her. "Although he did threaten to do it at one point. I think he would have done it too if it weren't for AJ running into the sitting room and asking him for a bedtime story."

"So what was the argument over?" said Scott, trying to get his rate back under control as he dried the cold sweat of his hands.

Marissa sighed and immediately, the light that glinted in her eyes was extinguished. By now she was resting her head on the knees she was hugging to her chest.

She looked down at her feet as she spoke, "He kept trying to get a reason from me as to why I decided to leave the benefit early. He was being so damned persistent until finally his exasperation got the best of him and it became obvious the only thing he really wanted to know was whether or not he was responsible."

"And was he?"

"No, not much, not directly anyways." she answered in a small voice.

"So, if I may ask, why _did_ you want to leave early?" said Scott resting his head against the banister to get a better look at his friend.

Marissa continued to look at her feet as if they were the most interesting thing she had ever seen. "Well, it was a combination of things. Once there, I realized Bianca was there too."

"Since when is that a bad thing?"

"Since she wasn't there alone." was the muttered response.

"Oh, so Bianca got herself a date?" asked Scott, loosening his tie.

"Yes. And she couldn't have possibly picked out a worse one even if Ricky Torres had managed to get a sex change and shown up here unnoticed." The slight edge to her tone did not go unnoticed.

Scott looked at her with a strange look on his face. "That ugly huh?"

Marissa scoffed, "No. She looked like a freakin' model straight out of a lingerie add. Probably had the I.Q. to match too."

"Took that much time to get to know her then?"

At this Marissa looked up at him and said, "My best friend just recently got out of a nasty divorce that almost destroyed her completely! The last thing she needs is some pretty little thing that is only interested in her damned good looks and money."

Scott now held his own hands up in defense. "I understand. I'm just wondering if there was anything in particular that she did to give the impression that she's a shallow gold digger."

At this, all the fury left the redhead's eyes. She began to blink away the forming tears and looked out into the empty foyer. After a moment of awkward silence, she finally spoke.

"After my initial interaction with her and Bianca, Sienna -that's her name- pulled me aside to basically claim I was acting like a jealous bitch."

"Were you?"

Marissa once again turned to face her friend dead on. The look on her face could only be described as that of a castaway, who long ago had lost all hope of returning to solid ground, and now that she had, there was no clue in her mind as to how to proceed. So she let her instincts take over.

"Yes. I was acting like a total and complete jealous bitch." she said, a smile dawning on her face as the realization did in her mind.

Scott smiled at his friend's admission. "Why?"

"Because I was jealous."

"Yeah, Marissa, I gathered that. What I meant was why were you jealous?" he chuckled.

"I could sit here, and tell you it was because it hurt to see that it was indeed possible to get rid of your ex, move on from them, meet someone new, and still be able to keep your family."

"But..."

"But it would be lie. Because even though it did sting a bit to know that, the only thing going through my brain when I saw them together was 'Why can't I have something like that?' and believe me I was not referring to their relationship."

"Meaning..."

"Meaning that the next round of thoughts in my head were pretty much 'Why is she all over Bianca, _MY_ Bianca, like that?' and I swear to you Scott it was all I could not to slap her hand away when she went to put a strand of Bianca's hair behind her ear."

"That bad, huh?"

"That bad indeed. And the worst part is that, yet again, instead of facing everything head on, I ran away. I ran away from it all and right back to JR, literally. I grabbed his arm and told him to bring me home." she said, her face in her palms.

Scott rubbed Marissa's back as he stated, "Well, on the plus side you know you can't possibly keep running forever."

Marissa suddenly stopped rubbing her face and turned to look at Scott as yet another truth hit her.

"No, just long enough to see the one thing I want go completely out of my reach." She quickly got up and headed towards the front door.

"Where are you running off too now?" asked a bewildered Scott.

Marissa stopped at the door just long enough to say, "I'm running towards."

* * *

><p>It had taken some effort but, Kendall had finally convinced Bianca that it would be best to make a quiet exit from the benefit. There was really absolutely no need for her to return inside. After all, her clutch was clearly in her hand.<p>

It was eleven fifteen by the time they made it back to Wildwind. The girls had long gone to bed and Caleb was still at the benefit so, Bianca was safe from further public humiliation. Kendall worked the key into the lock as Bianca leaned on the door beside her. As soon as the lock gave way, Kendall pushed the door open, only to have a still dazed Bianca fall in with it.

"Oh my gosh! Binx, are you okay?" Kendall asked as she knelt down beside her.

"Just peachy." came the muffled response.

Bianca managed to roll over and sit up on her elbows. She blew a few strands of loose hair out of her face and looked at her sister. "Next time, warn a sister."

Kendall immediately burst out in laughter and Bianca couldn't help but join in. They were laughing so hard, soon enough Kendall was lying on the floor next to her sister clutching her sides.

And that is how Marissa found them when she got to the open door.

"Hey," she started, "Are you guys okay? What's going on?" she asked from the doorway.

As soon as she realized who it was at the door, Bianca had stopped laughing and was now once again on her elbows. Kendall, who was now mimicking the younger woman's pose, tried easing the tension.

"Uh, yeah. We're fine, just had a little moment." she said while trying to get up.

"Yup, she saw me fall on my face like someone in a viral video and decided to ROFL in person." added Bianca causing a new fit of laughter.

Marissa seemed unaffected as she asked, "Oh my God, are you okay?" concern lacing every word. She quickly took Kendall's spot on the floor next to the brunette.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." she reassured, "My face broke my fall." she said chuckling again.

Marissa sent her a smile as she offered her hand, "Here, let's get you up."

Bianca took the offered hand and noticed that Kendall had managed to make herself scarce in the process. She would need to remind herself, to remember to kick her ass later...Actually, she would probably need a post-it, to remind her, to remember to kick her ass later.

Marissa gently pulled Bianca to her feet and, in doing so. brought themselves dangerously close. Bianca took only a second to let the warmth radiating of the other woman sink in before quickly moving away muttering something about front doors and people just walking in.

The redhead watched her as she closed the front door and lingered there, her hand on the handle, for a moment more than was necessary. She also noticed the trepidation with which each step was taken by the brunette. That, combined with the scene she walked in on, made her realize -damn she was doing that a lot tonight- something wasn't quite right.

"Bianca are you drunk?" she asked with a furrowed brow.

At the question Binx turned around to face her and held up two fingers, as if pinching the air, and said, "Maybe just a little." As she finished saying this, everything spun and she lost her footing on the step-down. She should have felt the ground knock the wind out of her again, but instead found a pair of surprisingly strong arms holding her up.

"So define 'a little'." Marissa whispered in her ear.

Bianca pulled away just enough to look into Marissa's eyes. She wasn't sure what she was seeing, but whatever it was made her gulp and sober up enough to get herself off the redhead and off towards the now very inviting couch.

"So what brings you here tonight?" she asked as she sat down with an audible plop and kicked her heels off.

Marissa turned from where she has been frozen by their earlier moment, and answered, "Uhm, I was, uh, hoping to have a word with you."

"I have to warn you, I don't know how much of a conversationalist I can be at the moment." admitted Bianca.

"Well, lucky for you I wasn't really looking for a conversation, so much as to ask a question. I should, however," she began as she took a seat at the other end of the couch, "let you know that anything you do manage to say in your current state, can and will most definitely be used against you at a later point in time." There was a mischievous glint in those hazel eyes.

"Well then I guess I'll just have to plead the fifth and take the fourth, while stretching in the ninth, or something." slurred Bianca.

Marissa just raised an eyebrow and tried to stifle a laugh, unsuccessfully so.

Bianca grew defensive at the sound. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No really what?" asked Bianca, feeling the old sense of camaraderie returning to their exchange.

"Nothing." said Marissa as she looked at her with a smile. "I was just thinking what an adorable drunk you can be."

And just like that the feeling was gone. Even in her impaired state of mind it was hard to ignore the sudden turn the conversation had taken. Bianca was going to smother the ember of hope beginning to glow inside her before it became a raging inferno.

"So what was that question you had for me?" she deflected.

"What? Oh! Yes, the question." It was Marissa's turn to be evasive. "Do you think you're up for company now? I mean, it wasn't that important. I could probably do without the answer actually." The admission was more for her own benefit.

"Come on. You're already here, might as well don't you think? I mean you helped pick me off the floor and, managed to keep me from finding my way back down there. The least I could do is answer your question after you've come so far."

Marissa continued to just look at her, then she chuckled to herself and looked back at the door. "You know, you made this look so easy." she whispered.

"Made what look easy?" asked Bianca with an inquisitive smile. When she didn't get a response, she scooted closer to the redhead and placing a supportive hand on her shoulder asked, "Marissa, is everything okay? You seem distressed, is there any-"

"Are you attracted to Sienna?"

The question came so suddenly, that for a stupefying ten seconds all Bianca could do was blink and gape. Even when she finally found her voice, all she could say was, "Uh...Come again?"

Marissa turned to look her dead in the eye and repeated her question, "Are you attracted to Sienna?"

Bianca looked taken aback but, answered the question nonetheless. "Uh, yes I do find her attractive, she's a very beautiful woman. This might sound a bit shallow but, it's mainly why I asked her out."

"Well yeah I know she's gorgeous, I saw her at the benefit -Did you just say you asked her out?" asked Marissa, the last bit of Bianca's comment sinking in.

"Yes..." was the drawn out response.

Marissa reached out for Bianca's hands as she asked, "Okay, so did you ask her out because you found her attractive or because you were attracted to her?" The question held a hint of desperation in it.

Bianca now looked more confused than ever. "Both, I suppose. Why are you asking me all of this?"

"Because what I really want to know is if you feel the same way about Sienna as you do about me!"

* * *

><p>"Penny for your thoughts?"<p>

The question cut through the slight haze still left behind by late night and an early morning.

Her reverie broken, the brunette turned to the other woman and answered with a simple, "Fun."

Her companion gave her a quizzical look before adding, "And?"

"And what?" she asked in feigned naivety.

The other woman looked slightly exasperated yet continued to press nonetheless.

"Fun? That's it? One word. You were zoned out for like five minutes and that's all I get?"

"Well, If a penny's all you have to offer..."

"You're funny." responded the other woman pulling a face.

"So I've been told."

The woman chuckled at the brunette's response yet seemed oddly satisfied by it as she leaned in to capture her lips. The kiss was sweet and tentative, reminiscent of the first one they shared.

When they finally pulled away, Bianca couldn't help but gaze at the woman now lying before her. They had shared the same bed for the better part of ten years now and it still did not cease to amaze the brunette just how beautiful she could look first thing in the morning.

"So what 'fun' is it that had you so caught up, huh?" asked Marissa as she snuggled closer to Bianca.

"Oh you know very well what 'fun'." answered Bianca, as hands began to roam under the covers.

She was just leaning in to re-capture the redheads lips when there came a scream from the other side of the door.

"I guess funtime's over." deadpanned Marissa.

"Teenagers. There are three of them and only two of us, how are we expected manage?" sighed Bianca.

"Mom! The girls are hogging the bathrooms again!"

Marissa turned to Bianca, "There's your cue." she smirked.

"Momma! AJ flushed the toilet again!"

"And there is yours."


End file.
